Over Attachment - Part 4 : Children

Some parents would ask : Why is the current generation are crazy for something or person? Why don't they understand us and our system? Why are they always into mobile, laptops etc? Why do they have so many friends? Is it really a generation gap? I started thinking to write about Parent’s over-attachment to children but the the article ended up .. Over-attachment created during Childhood. This article are only applicable for some or if i hurt anyones feeling just consider this this article is not for them.

We all know parents are creator of their children. So are parents the real creator or is birth decided by a supreme power? Don't you think parents are only the caretaker and not the owner of their children? A child comes through the parents and they don't own them. However, the parents tend to consider them as owners and that’s OK, but do parents really give that owner’s attachment to children? I am just talking on the behalf of children who is unknown as to why something are happening in their life and they don't have a clue.. Reading this you will understand how somethings are being inbuilt into the child at a very young age which created a lot of challenges (problems) in a child's life

Now the question parents ask is why are kid too much into TV & iPad etc… What I have noticed is that when a child is around 2-3 years old, they introduce to TV. Seems like to manage children during their early stage, parents find it easy by showing them TV, especially cartoons etc… The best one is to make them eat food, cartoons are shown. So what are we doing? At the age of 2-3 years itself we are creating a addiction to TV… so as they grow older TV gets replaced by mobile, Ipad, PC, iPhone etc.. Then we realise this TV addiction only once they reach their teenage age when they don't do well in the studies ? That is when we try to control the children to stop watching TV etc and that will surely freak them out. The TV bug is being put in a child head at very early age and one fine day we ask them to stop or give it up? Ever thought how difficult it is for them to stop it. But they get blamed most of the time for not doing well in their exams.

Why don't they follow our beliefs, culture, values etc...So the next way to manage a child is by handing over them to a maid or playschool teacher to do the caring and all. Now if you have some else taking care of our child, don't you think that someone would begin to influence your child and their behaviour. Some kids are lucky to have great maid who would take care much better than their parents but majority are not. Kids during their early stage really want their mother’s and father’s care so that Parents energy, mind, believes, culture can be transfer to their children during earlier stage. But doesn't this happens? Nope, it’s the Maids that is doing their transfer to the child. As they grow older, you might be wondering why they are don't following what you are saying , why do their thinking is different, etc.. It’s all coming from the Maid & Playschool teacher. Also parents are so busy they don't even have the time to hear the child’s experience with Maid or school. The blame is always put on to the child. How to expect the child to give you time when their parents get older. The maid made them sleep during the morning time and this mess up with sleeping patten and as they grow older parents worry why are are awake during the nights. Other problem is they don't have their grand parents to guide them because all parents want to live a nuclear family approach. If they have more time with their grandparents it would be a very positive influence in their life. So we should not complain as to why the children are not following our culture and beliefs etc.. it’s simple the transfer is not happening at a very early stage.

Why my child is following their friends? The most blessed child is child who tells that their best friend is their father or mother. But is that the case right now? Can children come and tell their parents anything or their experience freely? They just open their mouth, parents would reply “I am busy” “Lets talk some other time”. Don’t you think they are going to look for someone else to talk to and share and that is when they start looking for friends. If a child is really over-attached to friends be sure that they didn't get enough attention and time from parents. Some kids are so scared to even talk to their father because of fear. If they start talking to parents, “Dad I lost marks because of a bad friends” first think is they shout “All your friends are crazy, stay away from them” But do we ever ask them what their problem is, and how as a parent you can help them…Busy parents find ways to divert their kids attention to TV, friends, etc… so get some peace when they get their free time. But ever thought how this is effecting the child. When parents get too busy they tell their children to go spend time with their friends and be like them but the fun part is as they grow older and when they have more time, they want their children to spend time with them. How can they, when they have spend most of their life with friends and not parents.

Now why do they make girl friends and boy friends? I have noticed kids get into school and they begin to experience the opposite sex? I have seen parents make fun of the kid by linking them with other girl or boy by “saying John likes a girl at school, Papu has a girlfriend etc..” and the child totally rejects and get irritated but we still make fun of them at their earlier ages.. However parents find it as fun but what they don't understand is that they are feeding the Boy Friend (Bf) & Girl Friend (Gf) concept at a very earlier stage in their life and making them feel that it is OK for having a girl or boy friends… And when they grow older when they get serious with someone.. parents have issues with it? Is this fair.

I am not saying that parents are at fault and they are just unknown of they influence they have on kids at their earlier ages. I am only writing this on the behalf of every child who has experienced the above and hope they would be a better parent in future. What has happened cannot be changed but you can forgive, discuss and realise to make changes to present relationship between parents and children.

Over-attachment of children are made at a very early stage and the other things they learn from seeing their parents. If we expose our children to TV, maids, Bf&Gf at a very early age, with these exposer they get attached to it and the miss out what their parents are really for. You don't expect the child to change when their studies get spoiled because of TV, Gf or lover.. TV could be replaced with positive reading, cartoon on moral values, holy / spiritual stories etc.., Maids & Playschool could be replaced with more time parents and grand parents so that your values can be transferred to children & Lastly GF & Bf can be replaced by God as their friend, let them pray and share sharing their life to God, who would be their great friend. See how this is going to change a child's life… Keep all positive and for sure we will end up having positive children and you wont be asking the question which you had in the beginning when you read this article.

Every child who reads this should understand that it’s not you parents, they always did the best they can for you and based on their availability and surrounding. Is just parents are unknown of some of the impact they are creating in their child’s early life and later it become very late to fix somethings.

Parents and children should find time for each other and and this is the first step to positive relationship

Live a Positive Life - Deek Parassini

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